Only In the Lord

Written by Crybaby

I'm turning thirty this year
I am not married
I have no children
single white female available
for a good time
call me if you know how
I've left my number written on
every bathroom wall

I cry in the night my vexation
and I see traces of her in my mirror
I feel like I've been hit by a big truck
I don't know what to think about anymore
I mask my pain with methods of
poetry, rythems and rhymes
any art form that makes me feel what I feel
I stay busy things need to be done
At the end of the long day
I crawl back into my bed with my cats
wailing until I can't cry anymore
I'm working hard to keep alive
but I feel less alive every year
I feel invisible and less significant
Only in the way

The living don't tell you how they feel
They wait till your lying peacefully in a casket
or burned to dust, sprinkled on your favorite spot
This is my firey furnace, my lions den.
This is my wilderness and I feel a knawing of pain
I feel parched from the thirst
and I pray that tomorrow the manna will fall
I will collect only what I need
My wordless sighs and groanings
Miserable girl that I am
Callous my heart is hardening
a little hope seems to ooze out through the center
but that will run dry soon too

This is the beginning of falling into a weak state
Mamed young animal in me is falling down
The vulture is swarming and the wild dogs
are waiting for the feast
We are not in our right minds when one hungry
Have you ever wondered why the homeless
appear crazy?
Hunger and coldness is the ruling king within them.
My head hurts and my chest is beating out of my chest
from all the caffine I try to drink in a day
Do I sound okay to you?

It doens't matter how high your heels are
It doesn't matter how blond your hair is
It doesn't matter how intelligent you sound
You are still invisible, you are not heard
only looked over, only blocking the view
only in the way stepped around, pushed aside
all I want now is to share his peaceful silence

I like to think that there is a war in heaven
A battle fighting for me
Seeming delay for a good reason
this is no reason for Michael to finalize it
and end this battle
Prayer has become an asprin, it only masks the pain
The root cause - a cure is coming soon

My knuckles are soar from holding on
but I have to knuckledown and hold on some more
How do you begin to cope with this abuse
Forever won't wrap around my brain
until I lose count at my 300th birthday