Drop What I'm Feeling

Written by Crybaby®™
©2006
Reprinted by Permission of Crybaby & Co. Publishing

I've been heel-and-toe racing so blindly these days
Exhausted by my own velocity
Now feeling beyond repair
You turn a blind eye to all the things
you claim to not have ever done
We are amazed by our maze of intricate patterns
I am a blooming secret garden inside of myself
Twisted and turning like a game of labyrinth
And you became the sterling silver ball that searches for the end of me
One drop in the box and you have to start all over again
I am something only you can conquer with your all inclusive effort
Can you unfold the convolution of my inner thoughts?
I know someone who knows me in and out
If you ask Him,
He will tell you what you need to know
But do you trust Him?
Do you trust yourself to hear what He's got to say.

I don't expect that you are any different
I don't expect that I don't have to work any harder
But I do expect ourselves to lift up our tools
and to start digging, because we got to start somewhere
We got to dig through ourselves and into each other
We all have our dirt and laundry and it all starts with the first human couple
Can we clean ourselves up or just leave ourselves out to dry
And I know that some things have their stains that will never come out but
We all have our spots that we have to live with.
Can we stop pretending we're spotless when meet each other again

If I have a confession to make
It's that I cannot be perfect for you until the end of this world
And I got to ask you to please stop expecting it from me
We all say too much or we all talk not enough
We cry ourselves home and kick ourselves back
Into our beds and regret everything we forgot to say
Being just right is key and is golden in this world
Oh dear, Oh darling, where did I go wrong
Why don't I have this under my belt by now
Thirty years old and you don't have this right still

Anxiety kicks in when we try to perfect it
We try to make it
do things the way people call it.
Letting it dictate our lives
A lesson has been lived and learned
The clarity to see and stop this now
That is what I have earned
Please don't talk me into this
Please don't talk me out of this either
Let me rely on Wisdom, let me rely on my Source

I got my ass planted out here on the ledge
The edge of what I am thinking about the edge of what I hope
I will come down when I'm ready to come back down to reality
When I am ready to just drop it into the bucket
While you drop a dime at the drop of a hat
This whole idea of mine keeps bungie jumping off
It bounces back up
Thrilled by the experience
ready to go for it again.
Pretty soon these hopes are going to be longer
Then the bottom of this really big deal

I talk too much
I don't say enough
I came from the city with my urgency
In my garden it understands what I'm up to
or is it just becoming my unique art gallery art form
would you please take a closer look without squinting
I'm getting use to the negative feedback and criticism
This vibe isn't bouncing off of you but bouncing off of only me
I've got to listen to my only authority
and I don't recall it ever being you
If you ever listen to your conscience
And the cats got it's tongue you got to go home
Back to your hole
until the gears are working properly again

I have worked hard to be where I am today
But I still feel like I'm only packing
My journey hasn't even begun
I'm sitting under the bus shelter in the pouring rain
The bus is warming up and I am ready to get on as I
Leave you with one last question that only requires
your famous one word answers
Are you my companion fare or am I a hobo with no place
Really fantastic nor hopeful to go

I know that you could be worth the ride
I got to be okay with this
I am going to keep this wall up around me.
Only the truth can set me free
I got to be sure that you aren't the enemy
I have to be sure that you aren't here to tear me down
But that I am here to build you up
Do you really want to be a part of this
whole-heartedly, whole-souled and sacrificing
What I already have got would never be worth it for that exchange
Excuse me Sir, but do you have spare change
To complete me as a dollar?