Toxic Sweetness

Written by Crybaby
copyright 2010

I graze through the isles
into my basket all of my eggs seem to be in one
I search through more isles
another marketing scheme to mold into
they say to only shop the outter rim of a grocery store
everything in the middle is garbage and bad
processed and radiated to cause your slow death
my lips roll up on the rim of a hope
my treacherous heart continues wondering
down numbered rows gazing
everything packaged so nicely

A small printed logo
you contain an artificial sweetness
you contain words I can't pronounce
I have to put you back you're bad in someway
I stand all afternoon in a line
flipping through magazines looking for the ideal day
inventing ways to play out time
and almost I think
I need a lighter, I'm craving something
I stood there failing the impulse
pulse stops and I can hardly breathe
knowing what it is you did to me

I collect points
I'm coming back
I'm collecting more points
I keep coming back for more

Duranleau

Written by Crybaby®™
©2004 - 2005

Sitting on Duranleau
Resting on the curb of a poem
She watches out for
The boy that rhymes with girl
Footstep to footstep on Granville Island
The organic artsy coffee keeps her warm
While the steam of her prayers rise and go forth
Thinning out into winter air

Georgia

Dedicated to the country of Georgia

The whole entire misunderstanding war driven world is
persecuting you to a never ending bitter ending conclusion
And Georgia honey, I know you will win this battle against
the terrors of a world that misunderstood you.

Georgia baby I know that they're all hoping
to see you fall.
They all see you as an enemy,
but they don't see your large army
of 6 million men out there
ready to take them on
They don't realise they are feeding more
fuel into this raging fire.
Georgia you are walking tall
with every tooth and every nail
Georgia I know you,
you always manage to remain strong
when everyone is wrong wrong about you.

Georgia, my dear we have the same friends
But Georgia I'm not as brave as you
and I runaway from our club house,
instead of turning to you
I guess I was afraid that I'd be
misunderstood just like you,
my Georgia dear
And I am

Georgia honey if only
I had just listened like you do.
Georgia you have the strength to stay in tact
He's your mighty super glue.
They persecute you, you are under world attack
They take what you say and mess it up
Rearrange every fact
so that the rest stand misunderstood.

Georgia dear you have been
my great teacher for a while now
and for some reason your torture
is what keeps me sitting at the back
and talking like I don't really care

I turn my head at the warnings
as they tumble to the ground.
I heard they burnt down your house.
Georgia you never flinch,
you always rebuild a new home.

They've been burning you down cutting you up,
shredding and cursing and I just stand Georgia,
I just stand right here and watch.
What kind of a friend am I?
What kind of sister am I?
Georgia your battle is endless
and raging so deep into the night

I'm not big on bruises and you believe
your persecution is nothing
to get worked up about,
Georgia I know you are headed
toward domestic stability,eternal bliss
and your asking me to join you
under intensifying reality

You defend yourself,
you maintain self control
while moving decisively
against the heat of criminal elements
Georgia you still remain so strong
while I just stand and watch
How could I have been so wrong?

Mandarin Tribes

Written By Crybaby
©2004 - 2007

China has a need for you and I
We learn Mandarin,
Cantonese, Guoyu, Putonghua.
And whisk away into the deep breaths of nations,
east of our over exposed world.
Bounded and gagged by ism's
Yes, under the influences of Satan's monsoons.

These are gems and there are people
Inside these unexplored mines.
A few in Tibet and Guangdong has life there too.
Come on, we have life saving work to do on the other side
of the forgotten troublesome world.

Into a stroll of spirit and joy, we are everywhere we go.
To different times and places we have much to learn,
And much lessons to take to gather them in.
Two by two we go.

Gagged, tormented and captured by the bad guy.
The truth shall set them free when we
Teach them and read to them and showing them that
They are part of that promise too.

Through nations, tribes, peoples and tongues,
Mandarin, Cantonese,
Guoyu, Putonghua,
Two by two let's go.

Snug Cove

Written by Crybaby®™
©2003-2007

Trees punctured the clouds
with a red smeared cutting smile.
Sunset drooled into the cove
drove me into a jungle fever.

Fixated on the surroundings
A Mallard with a ballad
honking in my ear
I'm heated up with jungle fever

And yes, that yellow gold rush on the causeway
I saw it with my own blue eyes

Eve and the Serpent

Written by Crybaby®™
©2003 - 2005

You are the serpent, I am Eve
Personally hand picked fruit you gave to me
I took a bite, my eyes opened wide
From the poison that struck within me.
And I realize my thoughts are naked
I cover myself up

You tickled my ears with your sly intentions
Yes, I now know, that I'm not the only one
You played this cunning act upon
You preyed on my weakness
You scored on my vulnerability
You knew that I'd bite into this.
I was blind, but now I see
I now know between good and bad
Your method of deception is most effective
Inside this medium.

You are the serpent and I am Eve
I did not know any better
Then to believe in a charming snake.
Slithering past me, whispering in my ears
You speak according to you own disposition
Because like a serpent in a garden
You gave birth to a lie and handed it over to me
With a smile.

There is now enmity between you and I
The wages of sin is paid only by death
But you are already dead inside
You are the only but a lover of yourself
You are self assuming, unthankful and disloyal
Natural affection is not within you
Headstrong, puffed up with pride
Like the dragon that you are.
You have to somehow prove you are right
Critical times in your mid-life
And now like a roaring lion you are
Seeking to devour someone, knowing
You only have a short period of time
As you count on your fingers your mid-life numbers

Living vicariously through the lives of youth
He has nothing to do, but something to prove
But only proving false to his own destructive power
His most clever deception has been blinding many
I laid down next to someone wicked
And was mislead by him
But now I see

But I know now, that this world is passing away
And so are his desires
He look like that ofa man, but he is not
But rather a devil being cast into an abyss
He knows his time is almost up
His head is not bruised

Get behind me

Haute Couture

Written by Crybaby
2005 - 2007

So Haute Couture shows up in a white limo
wearing her fancy shmancy pink suede and fur
My hallway turns into her runway,
strutting into my affordable bachelor pad.
And now here comes this silcone girl
I've had too much to deal with today, yesterday,
This week, this month and so on,
And on and on she opens up
A shoe box full of more of this
fakeism, meism to shovel out
Thousands upon thousands of dollars in cash,
money is unveiled from each envelope that's been
collecting dust on top of dust
In my starving condition
torture stake
last hour of judgment hunger.
She's dragging out her Dolche and Gabbana
Versace, Wang garments, and Swiss Army gadgets.
I make a wink at my favorite second hand no named find
And mouth out with my outlined Mary Kay lip shape,
‘I love you'.

You're three days late from saying goodbye
To the one whom you claimed to be your favorite.
You got the pencil that built his house,
the one you requested on demand
Tossed into your Juicy purse
Knock, knock…is there a heart in there?
It must be home but hiding,
not interested,
or a bold DO NOT CALL!

Money hasn't changed you,
your pink Dior lips mention through your Marlboro breath
Money shoved your son aside,
Tell me what really went on there, what really went on
This digusting thing that you fan out onto my coffeetable
buried your grandfather 6 feet under your priorities.
No your right I see your point, it hasn't changed you,
It's destroyed you and buried you
under your maximum credit amount
Simply because the situation didn't come in the right color
For the season we are living in
Are you going to shed a mascara tear in your
Fairmont, Waterfront a night, luxury bubble bath tub
In a city you were born into, to hate?
But after you're gone in yellow cab with fed ex loot
I am left alone with a rich cat i
n Gucci couture that she can't stand to wear,
Waiting for this system to be executed and for my life to start
In a world that will be cleared
by your prime example of selfishness
To love another human being is just a joke
and a waste of time
In world that is falling apart
faster then one can blink
faster then a fake eyelash wink can make

In today, out of season tomorrow.

David's Sling

Written by Crybaby®™
©2003-2006

The heaviness on my back requires power
beyond what is normal
I'm throwing punches
in the air
right next to the brother
and right next to the sister
that I rub shoulders with,
they're throwing punches too
we keep fighting
we keep enduring
because our weapon is sharper
then any two edged sword
We stand firm
and defeat our Goliaths

Narrow Road

Diamond Road Written by Sheryl Crow
Edited by Crybaby, Narrow Road

Walk with me this narrow road
Tell me things yet to unfold
Give me something of yourself
That I can hold onto
I want to wake up to a sound of mind
Shining on a brand new day
Keep the beauty of this face
But wipe the tears away

When I'm lonely
When my heart aches
It's gonna take a little time
Yeah, it's gonna take a little time
When the dark falls
When I'm falling
It's gonna take a little time
To make it to the other side o

So don't miss the joys along the way
this narrow road has led me here today
Little sheep, what's troubling you
You know what's required of you
What is mine I'll never lose
And what's ahead is going to shine
Beneath the promise of heavenly skies
With broken wings I learn to fly
Pull myself out of this world
And begin the hope again

When I'm lonely
When my heart aches
It's gonna take a little time
To make it to the other side
When the dark falls
When I'm falling
It's gonna take a little time
To make it to the other side

So don't miss the joys along the way
This narrow road has led me here today
Won't you shine on
Morning star
Burn the evilness away
Walk with me this narrow road
Tell me everything is better than gold
Give me something of your soul
O Wipe the tear away

When I'm lonely
When my heart aches
It's gonna take a little time
To make it to the other side
When the dark falls
When I'm falling
It's gonna take a little time
Everything will be just fine

So don't miss the joys along the way
Every road has led me here today
Life has it's purpose and I'm making plans
All that I need is in His Mighty hand

Large Army

Written by Crybaby®™
Crybaby & Co. Publishing ©2005
Reprinted by permission

The women telling the good news are a large army
Of a government unseen, unknown to many
Human devastation washing up on shores
A righteous babe said it was mass entertainment
We sit around the flickering blue
Of our television sets with our TV dinners
Getting ready for the big show
Day to day lives lost at sea,
Blown away like grains of sand
From the islands of the Philippians,
to the coast of the King of South's oil fueled throne

The women telling the good news are a large army
The good news is, is that this is all over soon
No more hurricanes, no more wars.
No more earthquakes, no more typhoons
Death is over, it shall be no more
Lives lost will walk out of tombs
Disease will die and kill off hatred
Crime will cease
And those called, n1gers, crackers, ch1nks, rag h3ads
Fr0gs, sp1cs, w0ps, will finally become people
Smart, dumb, rich, and poor will become equal
Because the desire of every living thing will be filled
Until there is no more want
The grass is greener on the other side
Flee, head for cover
The heavenly war is about to take action
Are you in the cross fire

The women telling the good news are a large army
They are not camouflaged,
but stand out like a soar thumb
with their neatly arranged dress
they are not concerned of the hair braiding
and gold around their neck
They are not fashioned after this system or things
That season is long past over
Women are very powerful, when given such a position
By the King of kings, who rules to time, indefinite.
Women are necessary to fill the earth, subdue it.
We are powerful no matter what way you look at it
Because we are given the power beyond what is normal
To endure to the end
And the men are out there too, taking the lead
Showing us what to do
The image if losing it's balance, it's beginning to wobble
And the stone from the mountain shall strike it down
It will fall, it will be destroyed

Turn on the TV and watch CNN, can you see the cars
Evacuating texas?
The women telling this good news says to you
Evacuate this system, it's time go now!

Answers Unquestioned

Ripped up jeans pulled over my cold legs
I get up from this cold sleep, I take off
into a cold world when I pull over onto
I go back out and pound this pavement
My skull pounds against my brain
and it's wearing me out
it's wearing me down

I knock on doors and shake out the rattle
like a piggy bank with not much worth
The only thing left is the only thing
that doesn't surprise me anymore.

It only rains and doors go on unanswered
Questions go unanswered
Why does this happen everytime
Another ones gets slammed
Rocked to sleep with a good story to tell
Nations of babies ocked to sleep inside a falling cradle
the heartache and the back ache
and why this is all so so so

Carrying heavy loads on guilty trips
It's pounding it's head against
the phantom lingering brick wall
that came tumbling down between east and west
and buildings come tumbling 10 blocks down the road

Allness and completeness
in such a physical way
Sci-Fi's making it's comeback
with the special effects more spectacular then before
Fears and knees buckle in
and it's for us to knuckle down
But they can't believe it
They can't concieve it

Doors go knocked
answers go unquestioned
as we saunter in around the cul-de-sacs
two by two we keep marching in the rain
He did what he could, the door closed
and two of everything survived

At My Side

Written by Crybaby®™
©2003-2006

Don't come near the one you hurt
the most you became savage
overnight and I much regret
having tucked you into bed last night
you became the monster in a nights scare
you could not have gotten up
on the wrong side of bed when one side
is pushed up against the wall
now with the oil paintings and candle stick holders
I am nailed up alongside in the hall
as my eyes roam about to watch you put on
a new personality I have
never seen before

Pink Mice

Written by Crybaby®™
©2005

Pink mice all over my wood floors
I stare out my patio window and I
Watch a man take out the trash
I listen to a song that reminds of how
I really feel inside
It is my pleasure and privilege to hold you when you cry
It would be a change to be held
So that I can cry too

I say goodnight to my friends
And then I'm left with my four walls
I've been holding it together
But then it comes crashing down
When no one else is around
I'm not alone in a heavenly sense
But the scene I replay here on this planet
Is stale and I wish I could fast forward to better times
Or rewind
I don't which way would make it sooner

I wrote her a letter like I was writing to myself
I used an angry font that was as black as mad
I wrote like there was bourbon next to me, ice melting
And a cigarette burning with anxiety from my lips
I wrote like our lives were at stake.
It/they are at stake
We are going to make choices and before you know it
It's the last one we made and then we are going to be
So mad because the big game show buzzer of YOU'RE INCORRECT
Will buzz us right into our eternal graves
I had to knock some sense into her

The music spins, the records skip and repeat
every single stupid mistake ever made
We know the lyrics off by heart and before we know it
We are dancing too.
Black cat spread Gumby stretch across the wood floor
Mouth covered in pink

Montreal Sidewalks

Written by Crybaby

Montreal Sidewalks
Burn into my soles
Rushing traffic aimless thought
Too much to think tonight
Words on the house that night
Convex concave relationships
Blank sheet, blank stare
A writers block
I'm a poet
On montreal sidewalks
Lighting up a thought
Burning a hole
On montreal sidewalks

Art is like French
a language I don't understand
yet speak it
Dialect my own

Please poor me no more words
I stumble and stagger along
On montreal sidewalks

Dust Bowl

Written by Crybaby®™
©2004


Desert highway, dust blue sky
So hot the future turns to water one mile high
The horizon one junction up
Desert highway, rust red ride

Time turns to hunger one mile deep inside
Pull over dusted shoulder
Door swings out
Loud it speaks open.

Worn out diner
a worn out woman inside
Her gum slaps back the humidity
Ricochet against her tongue
Coffee is poured out into
Distressed cup cradled in a saucer

Yes, I would like cream and sugar with that
And I want to place my order now
The jukebox sings only one song it knows
The quarters expired
One kick keeps it going.

Sing me a song of a lonesome town
Dust bowl Guthrie hole
With lonesome people passing through
An exit sign
That is all they learned to do
It shows in their spurs and slurs
And a fake strand of pearls

Heat beating against ground
Bruised with browns and yellows
Sky beaten to a darker blue,
Beater rusted to rust and crumble
Soaked against a hairline crying
Another bead of heated waiting around
For something new to walk through the revolving door

Independent Shrug

Written by Crybaby®™
©2005 - 2006

I could tell you a whole bunch of stuff
that you don't want to hear
I could tell what was what
but you'd be so thwarted by what was real
and what it was you were taught

I could tell you the opposite even though
you want to already hear what you knew
even though the real is opposite
of what you already know

are you even open minded to new idea
new ideas to you although acient in their own right
because they have always been
and they have always worked
no matter how independent you feel

Can you open yourself to me
to learn to be the route to
what your life is suppose to be
what we are mean't to be
can you be agreeable enough to know
that this is not anything what
we are suppose to live through,
that this was not part of the trip
but a detour to get to the
vacation spot that we paid for along this route.

Being Girl (Long Version)

Written by Crybaby®™
©2004 - 2006

With every battered question
Bruised supplication and bleeding scraped petition
I pour myself
Into my heart-shaped tin heart
Rattling behind Adam's rib
I bake inside Your wisdom until a golden brown
Understanding smells good
My stake comes out clean
Ready to serve
Faithfully

Afraid of world being girl alone
Goes on longer then it should
Longer then I care for it to go
And I can't imagine further, rougher road
Girl can only carry so heavy a load, but your yoke is light
‘Keep on the watch',
Please be One that will stop
All crime, time will wipe away tears from this face,
disgrace to watch no more smile
When does this stop the bleed?
Turn me ‘round to sound of mind, to peace I find,
Let me do this gracefully, beg plead I cry
Clench my heart, n'squeeze feline,
Oh dear life find my reason,
find a rhyme where is mine
To squeeze me tight when I can't find a rhyme for reason?
Desperation sucks in her gut, chin up pull up,
Stiff upper quivering bottom lip; pull your self together now
‘Cuz this is where the real pain begins to hurt inside
It's gone too deep, deeper then any splitting open red sea
“Can't you see dear me?
The end will come,
Can't you see so clearly now?
Here it comes on the count of three,
The Father, Son, Holy Spirit
Are not one but three waiting patiently”

Holding back the storm
Avenge this sort of humility,
I cannot blame you
but I hate the game all the same
How do I play without losing my heart again?
All desires will be fulfilled
If this desire is taken away, then how can it be fulfilled?
Resurrection is an unknown detail

Too many variations of answers
I wouldn't know what to do if I knew anyway, I suppose

Safeguard my heart
Chest plate is all I got,
Won't give up this time
The price is high and no place left to hide anymore
Let out that groan, let go that sigh,
Try and breathe in, n' exhale
This is a sacrifice that has been paid for you and I
So sigh, smile, pick out a shiny nail

I fear the never being mother,
I'll never love another
I hover over the dwelling and it keeps me
Up all night in isolated constant fear
No one knows the end is near
Written in promise form, I pick up sword
Ark loaded two by two where is my one and only love?
Sidewalk walking being girl wanting boy
In critical times all alone I find
Hard to deal with, breathe in n'exhale
This unforeseen occurrence befalling me
Dominating me over and over
Constant fall on narrow road, leading to more scraped knee
Wipe away another tear
feel the pain hurt inside again
Craving keeps hunger within

Just give me your heart this time
Don't rip out mine
‘Cuz my heart just found comfort
Behind Adams rib again
Girl, write down broken heart,
Remove it from your sleeve, won't let nobody see,
You the one being girl, you got to prove stronger now
If you're going to carry that shield around

Girl with broken spirit, goes spiraling down
Crash head-on helmet on
Broken words go withering down onto page,
Paper was the only one who ever listened carefully.
Pen urged me to purge n' to get it out in the bright white open
What good does it do me when waking up in whimper?
Prayers fall into two-ply tissue
Universal issue, see how it's affecting me?
But if you don't see me,
how could you ever know me well?

“Hold skin bottle tight in your Hand,
Don't ever forget what's important to me,
Write it down carefully, ‘cuz this is everything
That's killing me inside this
Precious little thing You love called me
I pray this was simpler and easier said then done.”

I'm on the run for my own purpose in life
Expecting heart to be sick again, spiraling down
Gut wrenching turmoil closure
At the expense of my exposure
I cry, sowing seed, planting tree,
Pulling weed that suffocate my need
Run fingertips along the wall,
through the hall and corridor
Singing song,
humming kingdom melody,
Left behind, being girl alone

Running

Written by Crybaby®™
©2006 - 2010

I'm not sure
what to say because
it's all lost
I was running undercover
as it rained down more rain
I was running for some hope
as it rained hopelessly

What life is this
that we have to live
this purpose was not
suppose to go like this
Where is my baby
Where is my dream
Where is my stake
I've left it out in the rain

I'm not sure
what to say because
it's all gone
I keep running undercover
as it rains a few drops more
I keep running for my dreams
but they burst at their seams

What life is this
that we have to give
this plan was not
suppose to go like this
Where is my true love
where is my one and only
Where is that one
Two makes a pair
as we load onto this

I keep running
Guess it's time
to let go
I'm now running
guess it's time
for the beginning
of this show

Where is my one
where is my only
where is my joy
it's at the end of a stake
punctured hole

I keep running

No Tragedy

Written by Crybaby
Copyright 2007

I didn't want to know you
But I was told I should
I didn't want to be your friend
Cuz I knew how this would end
I just want to know why
You found a way to make me cry
I want to help you feel more
So as to even the score

I just want you to know this is not a tragedy for me
but just another prank being pulled, oh how I can see
I never thought I'd pour into this mold
all of this time
I got in over my head
Nothing has been left unsaid

I just want to be perfect
I just want to be better then you
Morning came and we are not in this together
I just want to know what is the matter with you
I want to help you feel more pain
I want to help you feel more insane

I just want you to know this is not a tragedy for me
but just another prank being pulled, oh how I can see
I never thought I'd pour into this mold
all of this year
I got in over my head
Nothing has been left unsaid

Tormenting Locusts

Written by Crybaby

A warning is announced on the P.A. system through all the halls
in every school with a scorpion sting static sound.
The principle says, 'the stars are going out
and the stripes are getting bent, the red leaf is wilting
and there is nothing much left after that
Because the day is approaching when divine patience reaches the limits
And His winepress of anger is now rotating it's arm

A psychopath is following me down every street
around every corner that I walk, that I travel my foot on
No restraining order keeps him away from me;
and he doesn't let me be, he doesn't leave me alone
The big ugly shadows of this system is
lurking at my windows, tapping it’s branches at my pain
and waiting for me outside behind bushes in shrubs
I feel uneasy and I feel him walking behind me
his leather coat scrunches as he walks
It looks like he's been wearing it a long time
I hear him lighting a cigarette, I can smell him right behind me

I wrestle with my deficiencies
Why should I have Your approval
when I don't even try to conquer
the bad with the good

With little metal tweezers
I fight constantly all night
There is a thorn in my side
that I try to get out
I wish to do what is right
but there is a battle within me
a flesh that wants to tear through me
endurance breaks in cold sweats in the night

I fight up steam through the waters like a fish.
I try to find my strength but then I realize it's not in me
It’s been bleeding out
Help me out of my own whirlpool of deficiency
I cannot swim up stream like some say
I need to learn to walk on water
it's easy it's all in the faith you have
so where did I go wrong

More then likely that is why
a child will hold back information
For fear that he will see the wrath for his honesty
and ask for help when I am passing through dangerous feelings

Only In the Lord

Written by Crybaby

I'm turning thirty this year
I am not married
I have no children
single white female available
for a good time
call me if you know how
I've left my number written on
every bathroom wall

I cry in the night my vexation
and I see traces of her in my mirror
I feel like I've been hit by a big truck
I don't know what to think about anymore
I mask my pain with methods of
poetry, rythems and rhymes
any art form that makes me feel what I feel
I stay busy things need to be done
At the end of the long day
I crawl back into my bed with my cats
wailing until I can't cry anymore
I'm working hard to keep alive
but I feel less alive every year
I feel invisible and less significant
Only in the way

The living don't tell you how they feel
They wait till your lying peacefully in a casket
or burned to dust, sprinkled on your favorite spot
This is my firey furnace, my lions den.
This is my wilderness and I feel a knawing of pain
I feel parched from the thirst
and I pray that tomorrow the manna will fall
I will collect only what I need
My wordless sighs and groanings
Miserable girl that I am
Callous my heart is hardening
a little hope seems to ooze out through the center
but that will run dry soon too

This is the beginning of falling into a weak state
Mamed young animal in me is falling down
The vulture is swarming and the wild dogs
are waiting for the feast
We are not in our right minds when one hungry
Have you ever wondered why the homeless
appear crazy?
Hunger and coldness is the ruling king within them.
My head hurts and my chest is beating out of my chest
from all the caffine I try to drink in a day
Do I sound okay to you?

It doens't matter how high your heels are
It doesn't matter how blond your hair is
It doesn't matter how intelligent you sound
You are still invisible, you are not heard
only looked over, only blocking the view
only in the way stepped around, pushed aside
all I want now is to share his peaceful silence

I like to think that there is a war in heaven
A battle fighting for me
Seeming delay for a good reason
this is no reason for Michael to finalize it
and end this battle
Prayer has become an asprin, it only masks the pain
The root cause - a cure is coming soon

My knuckles are soar from holding on
but I have to knuckledown and hold on some more
How do you begin to cope with this abuse
Forever won't wrap around my brain
until I lose count at my 300th birthday

Making a Killing

Written by Crybaby

Clots in the blood veins eventually kill
just the way slipping into an old personality
like an old sweater from an ex-boyfriend
not appealing to anyone but comfortable to you
Made by 'Bad Associates' 100% bad attitude

Wishing for things that are fashioned after all this,
And the desire of my eye has been nothing but a display;
a show infront of me on a runway
Temptation was designed to slowly suck me back
into the vortex of a world that is losing grip.
a world unfolding into another mind trap,
I find the attack lost in a pile of whites ready for the laundry
Get back on a straight path to everlasting life

Bad association sits in a family circle snug because
They love you and they wants whats best for you
They know this is what you really want
Your whole life you try to give up or cave in to their plot
as it thickens in your blood viens waiting for the clot

So they gallivant around down a blood thirsty carpet
She called me up for advice one day
I was suppose to tell her what direction to take
Bad attitude presents itself bitterness like wine
Asking me if it's really so
Hoping she won't notice once she starts to get drunk

Instantly you feel that death is at your doorstep
Temptation is only trying to persuade me to go for a drink
It's still early, I won't be home late
Snake slitthers through the big apple
Eve doesn't even bother to cover herself up
Not even with her hair.
She saw herself in the mirror and thought
I can make a killing off of this

Was Found

Original idea by Ani DiFranco
'Hypnotized' from the album Reprieve
released 2006 Righteous Babe Records
Edited by Crybaby

So that's how You found me
Rain falling around me
sitting under an awning
flapping in a winter nights sky
drinking coffee, wondering why

Traffic hissing by
Staring down a road with
glowing lights pointing at me
telling me which way to go
with a long way to go
You're looking down on a girl
knowing she'd very much like to go home
I was homesick and living the devils lie

You invited me and led me away
Found myself
Surruonded by a language
so pure and sublime
I could only say hello and thank you very much
but you spoke so I could understand
You drew a treasure map on my hand
the map lead to an island
in a sea of heaven bought dreams
You had just enough desire to keep me satisfied

So that's how you found me
looking down a road with a long way to go
lovely girls hovering above me with
long slender necks and delicate skulls
they had enough sweetness to keep me satisfied
I was no picnic
no I was no prize, but
You didn't leave me out in the cold
You didn't leave me out there to die
cause your map lead me to this island
in a sea of heaven bought dreams
You're desire to keep me has left me satisfied

Ain't Where I've Been

Original by Ani Dfranco from the song "Subconscience'
from the album 'Reprieve' , released 2006 by Righteous
Babe Records. Edited by Crybaby.

I'm one road bound walking the way that I do
Looking like I'm lost in thought
but I'm looking for You
it's a subconscience the way that I feel
too bad my subconscience life is the more real
Im in bad shape
but I know where I'm going
and it ain't where I've been
I know where I'm going
and it ain't where I've been
Along the way I'm searching for you

Some kind of anxiety gotten hold of my heart
I just want to run home when I feel it start
plastic bottles of hope gagged and ready for a refund
sealed dreams forced in my head
zillion prayerful waves flowing through my hair
nobody is calling me
ain't nobody buzzin' to come up
tossing and turning
I did a few bad things
You know where I'm going
but you ain't been where I've been
I'm in bad shape
But I know where I'm going
and it ain't where I've been

between sleepless dreams
and scattered rough edged prayers
turn my back and my kitty cats
to say one or two
I spread my arms wide and hope someone dives in
falling way deep inside in my inner dialogue
posed on the edge
of everything on me
I am a rough draft manuscript and
With red markers across my body
You circle around me
telling me what I spelt wrong
where I missed a period
and when a sentence should not have been said
and where I did right, where I captured your attention
and where I can create more
I'm not perfect, but I'm getting there cause
Im in bad shape
but I know where I'm going
and it ain't where I've been
too bad my subconscience life is more real
then anything I've ever felt before

We know where were going
and it ain't where we've been

Drop What I'm Feeling

Written by Crybaby®™
©2006
Reprinted by Permission of Crybaby & Co. Publishing

I've been heel-and-toe racing so blindly these days
Exhausted by my own velocity
Now feeling beyond repair
You turn a blind eye to all the things
you claim to not have ever done
We are amazed by our maze of intricate patterns
I am a blooming secret garden inside of myself
Twisted and turning like a game of labyrinth
And you became the sterling silver ball that searches for the end of me
One drop in the box and you have to start all over again
I am something only you can conquer with your all inclusive effort
Can you unfold the convolution of my inner thoughts?
I know someone who knows me in and out
If you ask Him,
He will tell you what you need to know
But do you trust Him?
Do you trust yourself to hear what He's got to say.

I don't expect that you are any different
I don't expect that I don't have to work any harder
But I do expect ourselves to lift up our tools
and to start digging, because we got to start somewhere
We got to dig through ourselves and into each other
We all have our dirt and laundry and it all starts with the first human couple
Can we clean ourselves up or just leave ourselves out to dry
And I know that some things have their stains that will never come out but
We all have our spots that we have to live with.
Can we stop pretending we're spotless when meet each other again

If I have a confession to make
It's that I cannot be perfect for you until the end of this world
And I got to ask you to please stop expecting it from me
We all say too much or we all talk not enough
We cry ourselves home and kick ourselves back
Into our beds and regret everything we forgot to say
Being just right is key and is golden in this world
Oh dear, Oh darling, where did I go wrong
Why don't I have this under my belt by now
Thirty years old and you don't have this right still

Anxiety kicks in when we try to perfect it
We try to make it
do things the way people call it.
Letting it dictate our lives
A lesson has been lived and learned
The clarity to see and stop this now
That is what I have earned
Please don't talk me into this
Please don't talk me out of this either
Let me rely on Wisdom, let me rely on my Source

I got my ass planted out here on the ledge
The edge of what I am thinking about the edge of what I hope
I will come down when I'm ready to come back down to reality
When I am ready to just drop it into the bucket
While you drop a dime at the drop of a hat
This whole idea of mine keeps bungie jumping off
It bounces back up
Thrilled by the experience
ready to go for it again.
Pretty soon these hopes are going to be longer
Then the bottom of this really big deal

I talk too much
I don't say enough
I came from the city with my urgency
In my garden it understands what I'm up to
or is it just becoming my unique art gallery art form
would you please take a closer look without squinting
I'm getting use to the negative feedback and criticism
This vibe isn't bouncing off of you but bouncing off of only me
I've got to listen to my only authority
and I don't recall it ever being you
If you ever listen to your conscience
And the cats got it's tongue you got to go home
Back to your hole
until the gears are working properly again

I have worked hard to be where I am today
But I still feel like I'm only packing
My journey hasn't even begun
I'm sitting under the bus shelter in the pouring rain
The bus is warming up and I am ready to get on as I
Leave you with one last question that only requires
your famous one word answers
Are you my companion fare or am I a hobo with no place
Really fantastic nor hopeful to go

I know that you could be worth the ride
I got to be okay with this
I am going to keep this wall up around me.
Only the truth can set me free
I got to be sure that you aren't the enemy
I have to be sure that you aren't here to tear me down
But that I am here to build you up
Do you really want to be a part of this
whole-heartedly, whole-souled and sacrificing
What I already have got would never be worth it for that exchange
Excuse me Sir, but do you have spare change
To complete me as a dollar?

Paper Cup

Written by Crybaby®™
©2003-2006

And so there she occupies a place
Waiting for a familiar face maybe or
Another stranger's façade to get use to
A new creature to explain herself, in her characteristic tone
But instead of pouring her heart out into another unexpected heart
She pumps her feelings out through the barrel of a pen
On to a green and white paper cup

She comes clean as the freezing
New Year cold people walk past
in there selfish saunter and sweat
She works hard at justifying why, why, why
She is the person that she is
Her excuses, after abundant excuses
Imperfections written in spoken word rhyme
Take it or leave it, no one talks back
They would only stare back with another question
Only can she hear the rhythms of motorcars and designer feet
Colliding with a cobble stone ground

Maid-of-all-work has lived
in this city for her whole entire life span
She's met, dumped and left clusters of people
From years in and years out.
This is the city where she use to run into
People, troubles and regrets
But in the last while she has not seen the
Scarred faces to rewind to events gone by

Where are they?
Are they disguised as older people?
Have they moved away from the city?
Did they get on with their life?
Who ended it somewhere?
Questions, questions, questions tap
Against the table top between the fingers and the cigarette
She's staring down blankly at her paper cup
Focused on her ink to form words
The musical background of traffic noise
Maybe she would see people she knew
If she only looked up for a minute or two

The sun is blinding as she looks up
Yup blinding
Like each relationship that she's had and passed up
Only the sun has kept her warm and alive
Feeling that there is hope yet
Hope that Tuesday will come to motivate her
She gets up and takes a step towards a life changing event
It all depends if she looks up from her paper cup

Proclaimers

Written by Crybaby™
©2004 - 2006

I love my country
by which I mean
I am indebted joyfully
to all the proclaimers throughout its history
who have fought government to make right
where so many faithful sons and daughters
our foremothers and forefathers
through gas chambers, bullet fires
came singing through kingdom melody through death march
came through hail Hitler's and Russian soldiers
so that we could stand here in blue seats
and behold breathlessly the sight
how a raging river of tears and His rightful sovereignty
cut a grand canyon of light

yes, I've been to different places
flown through vast empty spaces
with stewardess who's hands
look much older then their faces
and I've tossed so many napkins
into that big hole in the sky
been at the bottom of the red sea
seething in a two-ply
walking ontop of all that dead water
and that big old whale swimming by
I don't always get things done right
but I'm smart enough to try
because humility has buoyancy
and above us a heavenly sky
so I lean in
breathe deeper that brutal burning smell
that surrounds the smoldering wreckage
of a system that I've come to despise so well
yes, color me stunned and dazzled
by all the red white and blue flashing neon lights
in the king of south's intersection
where black crashed head on with white
comes a kingdom melody
comes a two by two colporteur footstep rhythm on a sidewalk
a particular resonance
that is us and only six million point four of us
comes a screaming trumpet blast inside a prophecy
a Hand that you can trust with faith
laid steady, on the motivated right chest
working for the better good
(which is very good at its perfect best)

and too, bearing witness
like a woman bears a child
with all her might
We are born into the greatest pain,
the greatest man provided a ransom
in order for us to survive
We all stand breathlessly and fight this
fine, fine fight
How a raging river of tears and His rightful sovereignty
Cuts a grand canyon of light

I mean, no joyous song has gone unsung here
and this joint is strung crazy tight
and people have been praising up their voices
since it just ain't been right
with all the self-righteous rage
and all the bitter spite
He will accompany us out
of this long night
He will grab us like a thief
And deliver us out
when we are ready to take flight
seatback and tray-table
in the upright and locked position
joyful tears of each new vision
that John said would happen
of all that my spiritual family have so far done

like, say, the brothers and sisters
and the unforgettable only-begotten Son
who gave their lives, his perfect life
so that we could have one

People, we are standing at ground zero
Of this old system of things
yeah, it's a big life saving job
one we're to never forget
and downplay and deny
Babylon's knees have finally buckled in
She's kerplooyeed down now
Faster then a pair that were once parked
against a perfectly blue sky
something that was bound and gagged to happen
a hook in their mouth and led into a thought
but i think the time is nothing
if not nigh to let the truth out
I think it finally deserves
a nationwide shout
all the way from Brooklyn
and back a different route

Lets be decent here
show respect with love and unity
to all the faithful brothers and sisters
To all those who suffered great pains
I mean, just take a look around this stadium
we have this

yes
I love my country
by which I mean
I am indebted joyfully
to all the six point four million proclaimers and
myriads of backup plans throughout our history
who have fought this old system's government to make right
where so many faithful brothers and sisters
our foremothers and forefathers
came singing through death march
came through hail Hitlers and Russian soldiers
so that we could stand here in convention sites
Warsaws and Chinas, Moscows and such
and behold breathlessly the sight
how a raging river of tears and rightfully owned Sovereignty
is cutting a grand canyon of light


(Original work by Ani DiFranco (from Grand Canyon) Re-written for the sake a of a truth not told, a truth shared around the globe, a truth denied and slammed down from every corner, but a truth nonetheless. The truth is my purpose in life. I renovated this particular piece to fit into the life of what I call mine. Gratefully, thankfully I have one to use just right)

Buckle Down Eve

Written by Crybaby®™
©2005 - 2006

(very much inspired after listening to
Ani DiFranco's new album "Knuckle Down
and a bit of Jackson Triggs)

I've got so much sadness going through me
Severing through my emotions
I try to explain all the details
but the complexity of myself is too much
For me to deal with tonight

so please darlin' I need your lap under my head
Let my roots and strands become better acquainted
With your fingerprints, leaving your identity pressed
Next to me please - be here
For the darkest part
Of what I'm trying to deal with here tonight

‘Cuz I don't what this is for,
and you know that I want more
This life that we live inside,
we try to cope with its critical reality
We face each day with our enduring qualities
as we launder and slip into our new personality,
imitate something that seems impossible with me tonight

There's nothing earth shattering about me
Nothing ground shaking about me here
My intellect gets me no where
But gives Adam a big booing scare
It's just not our time I guess
And timing is everything if we want this thing to work
Boy you know I want this thing to work

So I say knuckle down Eve,
Be content with this
But I know I can't do this on my own
And they say the suffering will make me stronger
Until I am complete there won't be any Adams
Buzzing to come up
You've got to knuckle down Eve, and
Be content with this
Time to buckle down dear
‘Cuz the combat ahead is a matter of life and death

I've got on my complete suit of armor
Oh yes, I am armed to the teeth
I am showing you a matter of fact
From the crispy, gold-edged pages of a book
Written by a Source that guides and protects

Oh yes darlin', this sword is sharper then anything
You've ever seen before
I've tried to hold my head up high, but then
It got puffed up and exploded into the sky
I tried not to fear man but then with an ax to grind
He winked and left me with a charming smile

I am raging at my anger
And I am angry at my weakness
And my sole weakness is you baby
So please leave me the hell alone
And now I know I should've known better
And I ought to have done what I ought to have done

You've got to knuckle down, Eve
You got to be armed to the teeth now
Time to buckle down now dear
Cuz the combat ahead is a matter of life and death

I should have said goodbye
On the count of hello
But three times is for emphasis and I fell for it all
And three sixes in a row front seat
is something that marks you like a beast

I make the bad guy sweeter then icing on a cake
And before I know it - I realize
that this was a big mistake
Cuz I think to myself, maybe this is it for me
I sell myself short and I have to say that life is too short
To be playing this high school game

I've heard the same sick sneering joke
I've seen the same cheap shot you tried to pull on me
The last time that we really had it out
I was naïve then, I was Eve then
But this time I call the shots
Cuz I'm not falling into this trap
And I may be weak, I may be dumb sometimes
But this time I got my head up
No lap is under it tonight

You've got to knuckle down, Eve
You got to be armed to the teeth now
Time to buckle down now dear
Cuz the combat ahead is a matter of life and death

But you don't need me
Like I need you
Maybe my problem is, needing anything at all
I don't understand myself tonight and I can't see myself
So clearly through this mirror tonight
But I know I'm not the bravest one of all.

What I need is something I don't have a clue about
But a mind game I like to play on myself
Every other Friday night
Sometimes you can't see what's going on
But when you see
You hate what you find surrounding you
And you know it's better with the light off
To make it seem like nobody's at home

‘Cuz the only light we need
Is the light that saves our life
A lamp at our foot
Guiding us so perfectly down this path
Leading us to a garden again

You've got to knuckle down, Eve
You got to be armed to the teeth now
Time to buckle down now dear
Cuz the combat ahead is a matter of life and death

Gunnin' to get closer to forever
Knuckle down, buckle down Eve
Be content with this
so, please excuse me darlin'
you are too much for me to deal with tonight.

Letters in Stone

(First Line from ‘Studying Stones' written by Ani DiFranco.
From the album ‘Knuckle Down'
Righteous Babe Records.)

Written by Crybaby®™
Crybaby & Co. Publishing ©2005
Reprinted by permission

I'm out here studying stones
Whispering in undertones
Law on this stone, I'm taking delight
His finger makes Law
More permanent then ink
Engraved into hearts
Etched into my bones
I see your prophet coming
Down now deeply
Within me I can no longer see
A reflection desperately resembling yours

A calf made of gold,
Didn't do as they were told
burn a brand into my existence
I'll do where I'm bold
Pick up my beam,
Send your prophet down please
Show me from these tablets
That I am a jewel
A precious gem to you

It's hard to look up when he's glowing like that
But too beautiful to look away now
Your inspired letter in stone
I am scrolling through scrolls to see for myself
That your feelings are genuine that
Real

I am rendered His special property
His very own prized possession,
Confession I have
Fixing all I transgress
A diamond in the shaggy course world of a life that is rough
Smoothing my uneven ground steps
I am found
In your excavation throughout the surface of the earth
You're finding substance, adding culture
Refinement and polished correctness
I am rough and ready, good enough for the purpose
Extracting me now while you blow up the enemy
I'm worth more then gold to you
Beauty in the eyes of the beholder
His all seeing eyes sees, everything adoring about me
This Rock is a mine of information
The very science dealing with the gemstone I have become
I'm excavating it now, accuracy is abundance here
In this mountain
Letters in stone show me the way

He fondles my soul, holding me like a child
In the shadow of a large crag
The Rock that renders me special property
The noose loosened from being tight
Around my rough-neck that I tied so carefully around
Falling into temptation, transgression would
Snap it once I step off

Spit and polish, spat on to be humiliated
I pick up and follow him,
Cause that is what he went through for me
Spat on to be healed
His fingers in my ears
I hear what you're saying now
But I'm still looking for an animal to sacrifice
I just don't see the connection when
I'm looking into the mirror and back
At my stone cold gaze.
Nothing matching to His
Foundation cornerstone holding me upright
Giving me strength beyond all normalities
Shattered shards of me like a tablet
Thrown to the ground

Take a look closer now
I am only synthetic man made stone
Not so precious anymore
But I'm still being cut to proper size
I feel like I only have a heart of stone
On my sleeve one day
Strapped around my right pant leg the next
And nothing else can get much harder then this.
I take all the courage, the stamina
I keep fighting in double measure
There can be a reward, just let this endurance run through
Run through to the end of its course
Leave me alone
Let this thing run its course

Miserable girl that I am, is out here studying stones
Branding them into my heart now these
Letters in stone

Run Amok

Written by Crybaby®™
Crybaby & Co. Publishing ©2005
Reprinted by permission

She was so pi$sed off
she woke up one morning
she put on a pot of coffee
and found there was no sugar
to sweeten things up
Her existance was sour and no sugar
could make things taste any better

And somehow her life took on a form
Of some kind of formality
Following the heard, following the leaders
That have the gull to tell others what to do
And every subway car seemed more
Like cattle cars, some going to greener pastures
Some going to the slaughter

Mad cows, fighting there way through the streets
For the sake of procedure for the sake of decorum
This appropriateness, this conduct with a style and tone
To make these walking compositions a whole
A whole entire picture of
Get up, skip your meals and off to work you go
Jump that cattle car for we cannot be late
For our first appointment of slaughter

If it's snowing, you better get your Christmas shopping done
If the leaves are falling kill the bird and put your scary mask on
If the flowers are blooming, hide the chocolate and
Celebrate the birth of countries as they are all about to die

Holidays, careers, births, deaths, weddings and graduation ceremonies
It's all got this formality
It's boring and uncalled for

She woke up pi$sed off because she was
Stepping on to the next cattle car
After realizing that there was no sugar
To sweeten up her life

Callous Heart

Written by Crybaby®™
Crybaby & Co. Publishing ©2005
Reprinted by permission

You've chosen a callous indifference
to the suffering of others
somewhere along the way you made the decision
to be heartless and impassive
and I am truely sorry for all the pain
and suffering that you have put people through
Your elbows are tough from
the pushing and the shoving
as you make your way through
the crowds of your anger
with a stoic strut dressed
in a full length wool bitterness
Unaffected by the joy, the grief,
the pleasure, and the pain
all of these which have resigned
picketing on the streets now
of your closed mind

You march up and down the streets
with a callous heart sewn on your sleeve
Hardened by the critical times you have to deal with
You got to make sure of it
Everybody has got to see how
your eyes have become flat
And I'm truly sorry for all the trouble
you have put people through to make yourself
emotionless with your hard-boiled thoughts and wishes

So, I'm just going to sit here underneath
the awning of your madness
as your pi$sed off decisions comes
pi$sing down on everyone around you
Yes, here you come marching down
with a callous heart sewn onto your sleeve
It shows in your stoic strut
It's inbedded into the wool of your bitterness

And as you come pi$sing down on me
I'm sitting underneath the awning of your madness
and being the street poet on a Montreal sidewalk
yeah that's me taking a little closer look
Peering through the window of your closed mind

A Thousand Years is a Day Dream Coming True

Written by Crybaby®™
©2006

What has happened has happened
And there is nothing I can do to
Change what has happened to me
-I'm wandering aimlessly thinking of things to do
To take up my time and make each tick count
I am accountable for the time that I'm using up
Every smile is a pearl in this world
My smile is hard to find but it is there inside my shell
-I wander around thinking inside of my self
I think about how much I miss the days
When I was laughing everyday
When I was crying less then everyday
I can dream of times when tears won't make any sense
I dream only about things that don't make me complete
-I march around a glass town with a smile on my face
Even if it looks like I'm frowning
My body inside is smiling because I am day dreaming
About those days to come
When tears won't make any sense to anyone
The days when I will be laughing every day
What has to happen will happen
And there is nothing we can do to
Change what is going to happen to you and me

But it will be good
It will be great
And we will smile every day
Marching with joy and feeling complete
We will be smiling inside and out
Crying and frowning won't make any sense someday
Daydreaming about the days to come
I think about each day I dare not miss out on
Because it will be good
It will be great
When we can all smile every single endless day
For the next thousand years to come

Stop

Written by Crybaby
copyright 2006
Reprinted by Permission

It's all got to stop

This has gone on long enough
This is all going wrong
It's time to say goodbye
Time to get on with my life
Time to close the cover
Time to start a new book

When I'm with you
I cannot grow
around this idle talk
I need to grow
I need to find my way to carry on
These burdens are something to let go of
become something I need to be
become something that I'm not
yet
When I'm with you
The future I cannot see
the past fogs my vision
You are not my quest and never
will you be

It's all got to stop
It's all got to stop

This has gone on long enough
This narrow road is rough
and I cannot be happy
with you walking
next to me talking tough
endure it your way
I'll endure it mine

It's all got to stop
It's all got to stop

This has gone on long enough
It's time to say goodbye
Time to go and meet my future
Make my dreams into reality
We talk murmur talk
complain about our lot
Your becoming a thorn in my flesh

It's all got to stop
It's all got to stop

You cannot walk along side me now
don't ever tell me your inner thought
We cannot go any further
I need to find my future
I cannot find anything
I don't even know where to look
when you distract every thought

It's all got to stop
It's all got to stop

I don't trust a word you say
My whole life
I let you get in the way
There is nothing that can grow
and nothing is growing inside of me
when you grow around me like a weed
There's nothing left to say
but go my own seperate way
There's no reason to stay

It's all got to stop
It's all got to stop

I don't feel bad
about the way that I feel
It's what needed to be said
I don't trust you
But trust me, this is better for both of us
There's nothing more to say

It's all got to stop

Uncomfortable Romance

Written by Crybaby
Copyright 2006


Good afternoon to you too as
You become the stranger invited in
'take a seat please'
in that uncomfortable chair
I'll make you some tea while
you try to sit and adjust yourself into
the one
where you just can't keep your back straight
where your feet don't touch the ground
you don't feel like much of a man now
You just couldn't sit back and relax
You just couldn't sit still and read me front to back
I guess you judge a book by it's cover, we all do
what else is new
you did nothing much else today
you said nothing much to me that day
but in that uncomfortable chair
you managed to fall asleep

A desire inside of me is being stirred that
Has never been stirred before
And for the first time you aren't the one holding the spoon.
You've dished it out, you've taken it all
But now you put it down
I'm just not hungry anymore
I've lost my appetite, somehow
Mr. Stochansky begins the drum roll
as we roll out through the kitty cat door
out there in the pouring rain
and we stand out on the porch watching
words fly south for the winter
bird migration has gotten all screwed up
since man polluted the air
And I don't know which way I'm going anymore
since you've been breathing in mine

I'm sorry to have kept you
You were like a pet
something to look after
to feed and play with
in your nocturnal phase of the day
shake hands
your feet land on the last step
fiddle with the gate
open and close it
walking away
spiraling down your next path

I'm still standing
in this uncomfortable romance
I am the woman who stutters
and I will dream of you night after night
because nightmares comes from stomach knots
and twisted up days of regret and misunderstandings
Superman fly's home now
migrating to another home for the winter

I will find a nest on a hurricane swept island
I'll head for higher ground when it starts to rain
And when I see my home floating away
I will come back down and create a new one
because I'm still standing in this
uncomfortable romance
my tear ducts are tired and sore
but I'm still standing
in this uncomfortable romance

Ruthless

Written by Crybaby
Copyright 2006

The truth is
A life that you can’t have
now
A life willing to sacrifice
I’m feeling logical and reasonable.

I don’t know
what you go through
each day in your private life,
through your mind.
I believe
you and I are the same
in so many ways.
I know-whatever
flaws, imperfections
they will disappear

You be Boaz.
I'll be Ruth

It’s not my goal
to make you
feel uneasy
feeling awkward
I am hoping
this will leave you
with a fondness
I don’t know
your struggles
your hurdles or your trials.
Keep fighting whatever it is.
I want to
be here for you.
I wanted to
be there for you
at any given moment
you needed another human
being to be there.
I wanted to
love you the way
I need to
love someone.
I wanted to
fight the fine fight with you.
Struggle with you
enter in through
the narrow gate
not hesitate for a second
combining life
we both dream about.

Perhaps at the end of this:
It was my fantasy.
Making a nice fiction story
Keep fighing whatever it is.
May He bless you
for all your hard work
faithfulness.
Be happy.

Maybe you think
I can’t deal with it.
Maybe you think
I’m too young, a babe
Fair enough,
over a decade apart.
You have
been through more
seen more
Seen things
I can’t imagine seeing

This letter isn’t
to convince you.
I just want to
tell you what
I see in you,
I’m crazy about
tell you I was
ready and willing
to see all of you.
Maybe you could
never deal with
what I deal with
day after day,
month after month.

You’re lovely.
I started
to convince myself
that this is
where every relationship starts.
We both torment ourselves
through poetry,
meditation
past life regrets.
I fantasize
about the future
till I cry in the night
saying I can’t
take it anymore.

I am someone
who would have
understood you the most.
Or would put up with your bullsh!t
I want you
to be happy
maybe I can’t
do that for you
I don’t know
Maybe no one
can.

Put a glove on my hand.
Taking a cheek between
your finger and thumb.
You did the little things
I didn’t let go
of you either.
I didn’t want it
to be over
I kept
calling you.
I’m not
angry with you,
I’m not
flipping out
Watch your step
I'll watch mine

You displayed qualities
I look for
I will search,
I will
keep searching
for someone
with your qualities
crazy about me.
I thought I found him
I have to
find someone
looking for me.
I have to
patiently wait
to be found.

You put Him first.
You gave up
money and riches for Him.
You're kind,
you are giving,
willing to help
you reach out.
you carry excitement,
enthusiasm for the truth
I want to be
surrounded by it everyday.
You pay attention to people
You have insight.
You have a strong desire
I would
love so much
You do not hold back.
You are very alive.
You display it
something I enjoy seeing.

There are too many details
prayers that made me think
that He was involved too.
I think too much
I torment myself
with too much want.
I wouldn’t want to
slow you down
maybe
that is what I would do.

Maybe
simply
I just don’t
do it for you.
Perhaps you’d remain a Eunich
I’d have
to respect that.
Maybe you don’t
want to
I have to
respect that.
Maybe you are
afraid
I have to
respect that.
I can’t
force feed you or
make you.
Maybe
I will grow from this.

I believe
I don’t doubt
there would be
struggles hardships
I believe
we’d figure it out
laugh shortly after
and think
Maybe
that is the ideal way to
handle struggles.
Maybe my laid back,
don’t react to much stresses you out.
Believe me,
I do react.
I’ve never swept anybody
off their feet
so who knows
maybe
Armageddon will come sooner then that
and after all
our troubles are gone
you will change
your mind.

maybe you could
never deal
with my tears
that come and go
without an announcement.
I meant what I said
That thing about
girl likes boy.
In fact I’m crazy about you.
I’m going to miss you.
I’m going to miss
wanting you.
I then need to think
I have a lot more to learn.
There is still a lot to learn.
I need
a depth of spirituality
I have to
grow deeper.
I remember praying
I will try,
this won’t be easy for me.
I fear never finding
love in the truth,
Never be
touched again.
I fear that.
I anticipate feeling for someone
someone that actually loves me a
isn’t just killing time until
something better comes along.
I let it happen.
But it’s okay.

I wanted you
to take me seriously.
I thought you’d see me differently.
maybe you do,
it doesn’t change anything.
I figured if
I suddenly exist
maybe I’ll suddenly exist
in your world.

You show a passion.
It drives you.
I think you are dynamite
I wanted to learn
from you each day on how to be bold.
I wanted that.

Suddenly I felt
a strong need to get back
because instantly I started thinking about the
I gave up what I really wanted.
I didn’t really care for the guy either,
I’m not a very good communicator.
I have a hard time
expressing my feelings
face to face.
Sure I can write it down on paper,
but to look someone in the eye,
someone I want to be with,
I have a hard time speaking.

He was so sweet,
so nice
I did not exist.
told me I was psycho.